


Just Say It

by Cimorene105



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Consensual Name Calling, Dom Steve Rogers, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Gay Brooklyn, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Kissing Lessons, Love Confessions, M/M, Nipple Play, Period-Typical Homophobia, Power Dynamics, Power Play, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Prewar Stucky, Rutting, Secret Relationship, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Sub Bucky Barnes, Switch Bucky Barnes, experienced Bucky, mild dirty talk, switch steve rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 23:43:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimorene105/pseuds/Cimorene105
Summary: They both know there's something they need to say.Chapters are stand-alone and go up in rating.Chapter One: GChapter Two: TChapter Three: MChapter Four: E





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter rating: General audience  
> Chapter tags: Fluff and angst, love confessions, sharing a bed  
>   
> How can Steve and Bucky find the courage to say something they've avoided for years?

"Hey, Buck."

"Yeah, punk?"

"...Nevermind."

Bucky closed his eyes. He knew what Steve wanted to say. He often found himself doing the same thing; trying to get it out there, but not quite managing. "Yeah."

It was never when anything eventful was happening, like during the fresh traumas brought every day by their unstable jobs, uneasy health, and horrendous world news. It never even happened when one of them was hurt.

"You could have gotten yourself killed, idiot! No fight is worth that!"

"Who else is gonna stand up to them, huh? I couldn't just do nothing!"

They never felt the urge to say it when they were laid off, or so sick the entire apartment felt like a death bed, or so short on cash that they didn't talk about how they got a little extra.

It wasn't even something they were tempted to say in particularly good times, like birthdays or holidays. Sure, they were both thinking it, but the shared happiness always seemed enough on those days.

The times they felt like saying it were the quiet moments in their lives, few and far between.

Steve sketched, usually Bucky and whatever he was sitting on. Bucky read, and then pretended to read once he'd figured out Steve was drawing him. It was hard to keep his mouth shut then.

"Hey, Steve?"

"Huh? What? Yeah?" Steve scrambled to look like he was drawing something else.

"...Nevermind."

Bucky went back to his book, and then pretended it was interesting when Steve eventually stopped pretending he was drawing something else.

Bucky always made breakfast. It was usually plain oatmeal or easy fruit, but he set it out in the middle of the table before he left for the docks or the factory. If Bucky didn't put it there, Steve wouldn't eat until much later in the day than was healthy for him. Leaving notes telling him to eat made no difference either.

It was all too tempting to add it at the end of one of those notes.

Steve saved every note, and always contemplated leaving one in return, knowing he could never write more than what he could say out loud.

He went to work at the grocer's thinking about the best place to leave such a note for Bucky. On the table? On his pillow? On top of the radio? In his current book?

Steve had written it in his sketchbook before, just to see how it looked. He'd thoroughly erased it before he could actually tear it out and put it somewhere Bucky would see it.

Steve always made dinner. It usually consisted of bread and vegetable stew. Sometimes they'd get rice and have that in the stew instead of bread for a few weeks.

No matter what he was able to lug home from the store, Steve was never more content than when Bucky was earnestly thanking him for the effort.

"Of course, Buck. You do breakfast; I do dinner."

It seemed almost wrong not to tack it on at the end, like it was meant to be there. Instead, the air was filled with silence in the space where it should have been said.

They slept in the same bed. Of course they did. And it felt more difficult every night not to say it before drifting off to sleep. Steve frequently had to remind himself why it was a bad idea to say something like that.

Even if it seemed like, sometimes, Bucky was about to say it too, it was a thing that would make their lives more strenuous. That, they didn't need. Steve couldn't burden Bucky like that, even if it was something they would deal with together - of which, Steve couldn't be completely certain they would.

"Good night, Bucky."

Bucky knew Steve was probably thinking the same thing as him - but how could he be sure? If he was wrong, he would just seem like a perv saying it to a guy who wouldn't want to hear it. Steve could kick him out, and then no one would take care of the dumb punk. He couldn't look out for himself. Bucky absolutely would not allow that, even if it meant his own suffering.

"Good night, Stevie."

They woke up wrapped around each other and almost whispered it next to their 'good morning's.

They repeated their work and food schedules until one day Steve woke up and realized his entire life revolved around this thing he'd never said. It began to eat at him. Suddenly it not only felt like something it would be fine to say; it felt like something he needed to say.

Bucky had come to the same conclusion long ago, and was struggling with his need to protect Steve from the fallout something like that could cause.

Steve began to lose sleep. Where before, Bucky's presence and light snoring had been a comfort to lay next to, now it was a stressful reminder of why Steve found it comforting.

Where before, Bucky's chiseled jaw and feathery eyelashes had been a joy to sketch, now Steve thought too much about why they brought him joy.

Where before, silence between them had been natural, now Steve squirmed with the knowledge that it could be filled at any moment by words that were slowly leaking from his body like a poison.

Where before, Bucky had given Steve a cursory once-over to check his physical and mental health, now his gaze lingered on the dark circles, drooping eyelids, fumbling hands, and stilted yawns. Steve rarely met his gaze anymore, either.

The only explanation was that Steve had found out, and was too nice to tell Bucky to fuck off with his unwanted attention.

But that didn't really add up with the other things that hadn't changed. Steve still said, "Of course, Buck. You do breakfast; I do dinner." He still said "good night" like it was standing in for something else. Steve still awoke with the length of his body pressed to Bucky's, a sleepy "good morning" his only acknowledgement of the closeness.

They still went out to dance halls and movies when they could scrounge up double dates. Steve still gave his halfhearted complaints about the girls' rude behavior towards him and his self-deprecating comments on why they'd be like that.

Bucky was starting to piece it together. Steve avoided his eye, but didn't avoid him. His hands shook when they got closer in the kitchen. Steve took forever to fill even one page in his sketchbook and still pretended he wasn't basing every mark on Bucky.

Bucky knew what had happened. Steve was realizing - as Bucky had, years ago - that this thing wouldn't go away, and Steve was terrified of what that meant.

Bucky hated it when Steve was scared. He would just get it over with, so Steve didn't have to be scared anymore.

"Hey, Steve?"

"Yeah, Buck?"

"...Nevermind."

Old habits were hard to break.

Steve eventually started sleeping more again. He couldn't run himself ragged obsessing over something he couldn't change. He just had to accept that it was part of his life and always would be. Steve tried reminding himself that there was a reason Bucky put up with him, and it wasn't simply out of the goodness of his heart. No one could be that nice.

Soon, Steve could look Bucky in the eye again, and pass him dishes without flinching, and draw him without thinking.

Bucky noticed. Like the previous change, at first, Bucky worried that Steve was getting tired of him, but in exactly the same way, he noticed that nothing really happened differently.

If anything, Steve seemed to get more comfortable with their bizarre closeness, both in daily routines and in sleeping habits.

It wasn't fair that Bucky's mind was playing tricks on him, either. Steve may have gotten past his nervous energy, but there was no way he'd ever put more meaning in that "Let's go to bed," than usual. Bucky knew it was wishful thinking when Steve's "Good morning," sounded like an invitation to get closer. Those dreams of Steve kissing his cheek or his shoulder or neck were cruel and unusual punishment piled on top.

Bucky couldn't take it anymore. The silence was torturing him. These days, it seemed to promise more than he'd ever dared think possible.

"Steve..." Maybe in the dark - where no one could see him, and Steve might not even hear him - maybe he could say it.

"Yeah?" No luck with the second half of that idea.

"I -" He couldn't do it.

"What is it, Buck?"

"Nevermind," he sighed. Bucky buried his coward face in the back of Steve's neck.

"Come on, man. If you're gonna say something, just say it." Steve's heart was racing. Would Bucky be able to get it out in the open after all this time?

"No, just thinking about stuff we gotta do tomorrow. I remembered we got that fruit almost gone bad. Gotta eat it tomorrow." He burrowed his coward face further away from Steve's gaze.

Steve smiled. In his opinion, that was almost as good as saying it.

Steve woke once again laying on top of Bucky. He stretched and relished the feeling of Bucky's body against his. Steve collapsed back down, his head cradled in Bucky's neck. He did nothing to stop the brush of his lips as he murmured, "Good morning."

Bucky stared at the ceiling, hardly daring to move. He didn't want Steve to move, and he didn't want Steve to realize he should move. Bucky wanted to stay like this all day. "Morning," he croaked back.

"What's up with you this morning?" Steve had noticed Bucky's hesitance.

"I -" He couldn't do it. "Gotta get up."

"Well, don't let me stop you," Steve replied after a long moment. He showed no inclination he'd be budging.

After another minute of persuading himself to get up, Bucky shifted Steve to the side and left the bed.

In the kitchen, Bucky bowed his head over the sink and berated himself for his silence. What could that have been back there but an obvious attempt to say something without words? Steve had used his whole body to say it, and Bucky couldn't even get his mouth to.

Steve always had been the more courageous of the two. He'd bypassed the first few stages and skipped straight to teasing.

Teasing.

Steve was teasing him.

"Oh my god. That little punk." Bucky marched back into the bedroom and flopped down onto Steve.

"Wha- huh? What's happening?" Steve flailed as he woke again.

"You, punk. You're what's happening. I noticed. I always notice when you do something different. I can't believe you."

"You noticed? Wha- Oh, you noticed. Took you long enough."

"I love you."

"You like the haircut?"

They stared at each other for far too long. Then Bucky giggled, which broke Steve down, too. Soon they were gasping for breath and tears of mirth were streaming down their faces.

"Haircut," Bucky wheezed.

"I can't believe -" Steve forced out between breathy chuckles, "- it took you so long."

Bucky wiped his face and through the last of his laughter, he replied, "Hey, I was scared, okay? You weren't doing so hot with it a couple weeks ago."

"You knew, and you didn't say anything? Jerk! Why me? Why am I stuck with this jerk, God?" Steve pleaded to the heavens.

"Well, maybe it's a few years too late, but you've heard it now. So just relax. I said it." It really settled in for Bucky: He'd said it and Steve was still talking to him like he normally did.

At this, the smile dropped off Steve's face altogether. He was breathless for a different reason. "Years? How many years?"

"Come on, punk. No one should be made fun of for that. I ain't gonna tell you." Bucky used his façade of humor to mask the fact that he really meant it.

Steve couldn't believe he got to be stuck with his jerk. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Speaking of which...

"I love you too, Buck."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter rating: Teen  
> Chapter tags: First Kiss, boys kissing, mild dirty talk, kissing lessons, experienced Bucky, switch Bucky, switch Steve, period typical homophobia, secret relationship, fluff, some angst  
>   
> Steve and Bucky explore the new twist on their relationship.

Bucky got home later that day and shucked his outerwear at the door. Steve was adding broccoli in their stew of the day.

"'M home, Steve. How was your day?" He got the dishes out and handed Steve one bowl at a time.

"Been walking on air all day; a whole case of beans busted open at the store, but it didn't bother me to clean 'em all up as much as usual. Been whistling on and off, too, even though I can't carry a tune to save my life." He handed back the bowls when he'd filled them.

Bucky's heart fluttered at the roundabout way Steve was talking about him. "Huh, wonder what's got into you, pal."

Steve was tempted to make a rude joke and say, "Nothing yet," but it probably wasn't best to do it while there was a hazard of Bucky choking on hot stew. "Oh, this real pretty fella told me he's been sweet on me for years. I did get to wondering why he put up with me for so long."

"That would definitely explain it," Bucky teased back. "He'd have to be crazy to be sweet on a danger-hungry pain like you." He flashed the winning grin that always magnetized the ladies to him.

Steve blushed and focused on his stew. "You said it; not me. Guess ya really are crazy, then."

Bucky contemplated the blond as he chewed. It looked like the wind had gone from Steve's sails. Time to change that. "Sure am; I'm crazy about you, Stevie."

Steve's cheeks flushed even darker, but the smile returned to his face. "Shut up, Buck."

Bucky's eyes crinkled. "You sure you want me to? I coulda sworn we'd had enough of shutting up around here."

Steve swallowed his mouthful and laughed. "That's true, I guess. Hey - not jealous or nothin' - but how come you go on so many dates, then, Buck?"

Bucky sighed. "Dates by myself? Was try'n'a get over you, Steve. What we got, it's not normal. People will expect us to just stay friends all our lives, instead of putting it out in the open like we done."

Now that he was talking about it, Bucky couldn't stop. "S'gonna be hard for us to live like this, ya know. People call us fags now just for sharing rent; wait til we feel comfortable actually looking at each other in public, or God forbid we hold hands, or share a dance. Gonna be real tough to want all that - know that you want it too - and not get to have it."

Just like that, the happy, teasing conversation had turned sad and dark. There was no hope at the end of this train of thought. Steve had thought all these things as well. He knew that no one would let them be if they went on a date or kissed in public. No one would be happy that they were together. No one would let them get married, if they decided they wanted it.

"Hey," Steve said, "maybe no one will ever know or accept what we got, but that don't mean we never get to dance. You already taught me how. S'actually one of my favorite memories." He knew he was sort of mumbling near the end, there, but Bucky could usually speak Steve-Mumble.

"Sorry, what was that, Stevie? I didn't quite catch it." Well, Bucky could speak Steve-Mumble when he wasn't gloating.

"Said I already know I like dancing with ya, jerk," Steve glared.

"No, that doesn't sound like what you were trying to say. Something about a favorite memory?" Bucky's eyes twinkled.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Sounds like you did hear me, and you're being a smart-ass about it."

"Aw, come on, Stevie. It's not every day I hear ya sayin' such nice things about me."

"Maybe you'd hear it more often if you weren't so smarmy when I do."

"Got a point there, I guess. But you're just so fun to tease, Steve; and anyway, consider it a start on my payback for all the teasing you've been aiming at me." Bucky leaned forward on the table and fixed Steve with a pointed look. "Did you know I've been having these very nice dreams about getting kisses in innocent places, like my cheek and shoulder? You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, Stevie?"

Steve's blush returned with a vengeance. "No, I wouldn't know anything about that. Like you said, sounds like some pretty nice dreams."

"Uh-huh. Dreams. Well, I hope you get some nice dreams like that, Steve. A shame it'll only be dreams, though. I've been told I kiss pretty well."

Steve laughed and covered his face with his hands. "Fine, jerk. I've been kissing you when it seems like you're asleep. Happy?" Steve removed his hands to find that Bucky wasn't sitting across from him at the table anymore.

A breath ghosted over the back of Steve's neck. "You have no idea how happy that makes, me, Steve." Bucky set a hand on Steve's shoulder and Steve craned his neck to look up. Bucky rested his other hand on Steve's upturned cheek and bent down a few more inches to kiss him.

Steve's world shrunk to the feeling of Bucky's lips on his, Bucky's hands holding him steady. Bucky drew away after a moment, taking Steve's sense of balance with him. Luckily, the hands remained to keep Steve from making a fool of himself and falling flat on his face from trying to follow.

"Thanks so much for dinner, Steve."

"Of course. You do breakfast; I do dinner." Steve hesitated. He had a feeling it would be hard to say for a while until he got used to it. He forced out on a whisper, "Love you, Buck."

Bucky glowed at the admission. He scooped Steve up and whirled him around, despite Steve's protests. "I love you too, Stevie," he whispered back.

"Help me with the dishes."

Bucky chuckled. He supposed that was the end of that conversation.

They'd had a little time to laze around before bed, so they settled into their indents on the couch. Each picked up their preferred type of paper and the routine of reading, sketching and pretending to read began as usual in the lamp light.

"Hey, Steve?"

"What? Yeah?" Bucky wasn't sure why Steve was pretending to draw something else again, like he always did when Bucky started a conversation during these times. Did Steve really think it was a crime to draw what he wanted? Time to put an end to that notion.

"I love it when you draw me. Makes me feel like I must be something special, for you to draw me so often."

Steve stared at him, jaw hanging open. "Oh."

Did Steve really think he was sneaky?

Bucky smiled. "I can't believe you're surprised. I thought it was pretty obvious that I basically watch you draw me every time we get a chance."

"But...you're reading," Steve weakly refuted.

Bucky smirked at him. "Stevie, Stevie. How long have I been reading this one particular book?"

"Oh god. It's been weeks, hasn't it?" Steve smacked his forehead with the pad of paper. He couldn't believe he'd been so blind. Bucky was a rabid reader when it came to sci-fi novels. If he had the same book for longer than a few days, it meant he wasn't really reading it.

"You don't have to show me, but I gotta admit I'm curious about what makes me such a fascinating subject."

"I could maybe show you a couple..." Steve haltingly offered.

"No, Steve. You don't sound comfortable with it. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Just wanted to say it makes me feel like something worth drawing when you do it." Bucky gave him a reassuring smile.

The fact that Bucky wasn't pressing, and was genuinely telling Steve he liked it, made Steve decide it wouldn't hurt to show him one or two pages. He grabbed Bucky's shoulder before the brunet could go back to pretending to read.

Steve flipped through his pages, looking for a relatively unembarrassing example - one that wouldn't show too many of Steve's thoughts in the pencil strokes. They too often looked like they were caressing Bucky's form.

Steve eventually found one he could let the brunet see. It still showed that more attention was paid to the details of Bucky's face than any kind of attempt at shading, but it was better than the nude studies Steve had done from memory of moments to and from the shower or changing clothes.

"Wow, that's amazing, Steve. I can't remember ever looking that good."

"What, you don't look in the mirror every day?"

"Haha, punk. You obviously see what you want to see - and if that's what you see in me, I'm a lucky guy. Wish I could draw you; show you it's the same way for me."

"Don't see how it could be. 'M not much to look at." Steve shrugged.

Bucky shook his head. "You really are, Steve. I hope I can convince you some day."

"Sure, Buck. That's why you're the only person to ever tell me that."

"Kinda wish you'd think that was enough."

Steve smiled shyly. "Maybe it could be. Guess we'll find out."

Bucky shot Steve a blinding grin. "I guess we will."

Steve glanced at the clock, then accusingly at Bucky. "Looks like it's getting later. I always get lost in the paper when I draw. What's your excuse?"

Bucky cocked his head to the side, considering his answer before speaking. He set his book down and leaned into Steve's air. "My excuse? I just get so lost in you, Stevie."

Steve felt like if he breathed, the space between them would vanish. His vision swam with the heady feeling.

Bucky had gotten to many people with this way of speaking; it had never meant as much to him as it did now. He could see Steve's eyes clouding over in the intimacy. That was all because of Bucky. "Your hair, your eyes, the way you pour your soul into the page. You know how I tend to get bored? Do you realize I can watch you draw for hours without getting bored? That's how special you are to me, Stevie. I lose track of time whenever you're with me - it's distracting, Steve; the way I feel about you."

With effort, Steve gathered a few words to put together in his scattered mind. "Cut it out with that sweet talk, Barnes. You know you don't gotta use it on me." Steve ducked his face so Bucky wouldn't see how much it affected him.

"Is that so? You sayin' you don't like it, Stevie?" The tiniest smile played on Bucky's mouth.

"Of course I'm not; who wouldn't like that stuff?" Steve ran a hand through his hair to disguise the fact that his face was redder than a cherry.

Bucky tipped the blond's chin back up. "Why'd you stop me, then?" He backed up a couple inches, serious for a moment. "Am I coming on too strong? I'm a bit much, aren't I?"

"It's a lot more than I'm used to, but I don't mind it. Just different, is all."

"If you're sure..." Bucky wasn't so confident now. Flirting with a guy - particularly Steve - was more daunting than he'd thought it would be.

Steve saw Bucky's nerve dwindling, so he took charge. He set his art supplies aside and swung himself over Bucky. He straddled the brunet's lap and put his hands on Bucky's face.

That was the way it worked with them. When one felt inadequate, the other oozed confidence.

"You're my favorite person, Bucky. And I've wanted to hear you talk to me like that for a long time. Honestly, I just got a bit nervous." Steve stroked his thumbs over Bucky's cheekbones. "Nobody's ever cared enough to make a move on me before, so I don't have any practice with it. That don't have to stop me from liking it though, right?"

"R-right." Bucky stared helplessly back.

"And it don't have to stop me from trying things myself, right?" Steve whispered as he leaned closer.

Bucky nodded, unable to speak.

Steve let his eyelids fall shut as he kissed his best friend the way he'd so often wanted to. He slid one arm around Bucky's shoulders and cupped the back of the brunet's neck with the other hand.

Bucky brought his hands up to grasp desperately at Steve. He felt like he was drowning. This was something he wanted every day. When Steve was confident in himself, it took Bucky's breath away. Having that confidence aimed at himself made him feel like Steve was drawing him nude - for future reference. Knowing Steve, he'd probably done that.

Bucky realized he had the perfect opportunity to teach Steve how to kiss. He pulled back to ask, "You wanna know how to make me weak in the knees with just a kiss?"

"Yeah. Show me. I learn by example," Steve deviously insisted.

Bucky leaned back in and held Steve like he could never get enough - and he really couldn't. It wasn't an act when Bucky roamed his hands over Steve's body; he wanted to touch Steve everywhere.

Bucky kissed Steve like he was trying to taste the blond's soul - or get as close to it as possible. He pulled delicate, heady-sweet kisses from Steve's lips like he was sipping wine from Steve's mouth. Bucky pulled slow, savory-full kisses from Steve's lips like he couldn't believe Steve was letting Bucky kiss him. He had to tell Steve his thoughts.

"I can't believe you want me to kiss you like this, Stevie. You're everything to me; I hope you know that," Bucky whispered against Steve's lips before getting back to kissing Steve senseless.

Steve, for his part, felt his thoughts slipping away from him. His head was filled with the overwhelming feeling of Bucky. He moaned.

Bucky drew back and waited for Steve to open his heavy eyelids. "I want to hear you make that sound for me every day."

"If you always kiss me like that, then I'm sure I will. Goddamn, Bucky. You said weak in the knees, not weak everywhere." Steve gave a lopsided grin.

"Got a bit carried away. Can you really blame me?" He tugged Steve closer, noticing as he did another way he wanted Steve to react to him every day.

"Hell no. And now it's my turn."

Bucky had always known Steve was a quick study, but he was blown away by how much Steve had learned in such a short time. Steve kissed him like nothing else mattered in the world. He'd obviously gotten the message that kissing is most effective when you kiss like you mean it; like it's all for the person you want to drive insane.

Unbeknownst to Bucky, Steve _had_ made it his mission to drive the brunet insane. He deserved a taste of his own medicine for a change. Bucky had always been the smooth, suave ladies' man. He knew all the moves and had practiced plenty - but he'd never been on the receiving end of those moves.

On the one hand, Steve thought it was sad for Bucky, that he'd never before been given the chance to feel lost in someone whose goal was to eat him alive, when he'd given that wonderful feeling to so many before. On the other hand, Steve felt a savage pleasure in knowing he would be the only one to ever make Bucky feel that way.

Steve kissed Bucky the way Bucky had shown him: With different types of kisses, and hands moving on him like he needed to get closer. Bucky didn't have brain power to spare on pride in Steve's ability. He was too busy getting turned on by it.

"Oh god, Steve. Yeah, pull me closer. Fuck, I love you."

Steve wasn't surprised to know Bucky was a dirty talker, but he was surprised by how much he liked it, which was maybe a little too much for the situation.

"Bucky. Hey, Bucky -" he got the brunet's attention. "I am  really turned on right now, but it's getting pretty late. We do both have to work tomorrow. What do you want to do tonight?"

"I wanna hear you say it again."

"What, 'I love you?' Got no problem saying that for you."

"No, what you said the other night. You've been teasing me for a while, but I thought I was going insane; imagining you meant more to it than usual." Bucky rubbed his nose along Steve's cheek as he spoke.

"What did I say?" Steve was a bit lost.

"What do you usually say to me when it gets this late, Stevie?" Bucky knew Steve would get there - eventually it would click. And however Steve wanted to say it when he got Bucky's meaning, Bucky would go along with it. The hands on the clock were definitely indicating that perhaps it was time to cool down.

Steve sucked in a breath when his brain caught up with Bucky's. He had tried to say it differently a couple nights ago. Steve couldn't believe Bucky picked up on that. How much did his sleep matter to him tonight?

Not very, he decided.

Steve leaned in and nipped at Bucky's earlobe. He rumbled seductively into Bucky's ear what the brunet was encouraging Steve to say.

"Let's go to bed."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter rating: Mature  
> Chapter tags: Nipple Play, Hair-pulling, Consensual Name Calling, Rutting, Hand Jobs, First Time, Power Dynamics, Power Play, BDSM, Dom Steve Rogers, Sub Bucky Barnes, Self-Hatred  
>   
> Steve and Bucky take their exploration to the bedroom.

Steve felt Bucky shudder against him. It gave him a bone-deep gratification to know he had caused it just by saying they should go to bed.

"We're either going to be exhausted tomorrow or we're going to get the best night of sleep we've ever had," Bucky predicted in his desire-roughened voice.

Steve smirked. That face he was making would be the death of Bucky.

"Why don't we go find out," Steve suggested.

"Hell yes." Bucky tightened his grip around the blond and lurched to his feet.

Steve gave an indignant yelp and clung on for dear life. After a moment, he relaxed a little and huffed a laugh. "I don't know whether to be more mad or impressed right now."

"Impressed; definitely be impressed when your lover carries you to the bedroom," Bucky answered with a saucy wink as he started walking them in that direction.

Steve rolled his eyes. He thought for a moment, then asked seriously, "That what we are now, Buck?"

Bucky met his eyes. "If you want."

Steve couldn't fathom his expression. "What about what you want?"

Bucky gave a wistful smile. "That is what I want," he replied as he sat down on the bed, Steve still in his lap. "That okay with you?"

Steve could see Bucky's anxiety rising, and was quick to reassure him. "Yeah. That's what I want, too."

The grin Bucky gifted to him was brighter than the sun.

"Alright, so we're lovers," Bucky chuckled with wonder as he flopped back onto the mattress. "You gonna make love to me, Steve?"

"Have you, uh, done it that way before? With a fella?" Steve felt a little lost again. He kind of hoped Bucky would have some sort of clue what to do, because although Steve could fantasize about loving Bucky that way all he wanted, he had no idea how to start. All he knew was that it was different from being with a girl, which he hadn't done either.

Bucky blushed prettily and lowered his eyelashes. "I, uh - I guess we'll learn about that together. Honestly, I never thought I'd get to -  you know - with you and so... I never bothered to find out much about it."

"You make me feel real special talking like I'm the only person you might wanna learn it for." Steve slowly lowered himself over Bucky, allured by the tempting sight the brunet made, all pink-cheeked and bashful because of him.

"Shut up," Bucky mumbled without any heat. He could barely even look at Steve, who was gazing down at him with more heat than he'd expected Steve to be capable of. Bucky realized he shouldn't be surprised - if Steve loved with a passion anything like he fought, then he might just claim he could do this all day.

"You really want me to? I thought we established we'd had enough of shutting up around here," Steve threw Bucky's words back at him with a smile to soften the blow.

Bucky blushed harder but made himself look Steve in the eye. "I..." He needed to say this. He wanted Steve to know what he was thinking, even if the blond gave him a little hell for it. "I never made it all the way there with a girl, either."

Steve's eyes grew in shock. He would accuse Bucky of kidding around if he hadn't seen how hard that was for him to say. "Wow. Okay. I guess we're both pretty clueless, then." He placed a kiss on Bucky's forehead. "We'll figure it out. But we don't gotta do absolutely everything right away, right? We can take the bases when we get to them."

Bucky grinned again, relieved Steve wasn't making a big deal about it. "Yeah. That's a solid plan, Stevie. What do you want to do?"

Steve broke out the smirk that was quickly becoming the bane of Bucky's existence. "I want to touch you all over your naked body," he growled. "I want to kiss you until you can't say anything but my name. I want to get you off with my own hands. That sounds like a real good way to start from where I see it."

"Shit, Steve. Yeah," Bucky groaned.

Steve took that as encouragement and ran his hands from Bucky's neck, down over his chest, to the end of his stomach where Steve was met by his own crotch resting on Bucky's. He could feel the brunet's interest making known Bucky's approval. Steve wrenched the hem of Bucky's shirt up out of the way and ran his hands back up the trail they'd just blazed, this time on skin. Steve ground his ass down on Bucky and was treated to the sound of more groans.

"I hate to say this, but you gotta be quieter than that, Buck. We could get caught. Can you be quiet for me? I'll use my tie on you if you can't do it." The little frown line made its appearance between Steve's brows.

"I can be quieter," Bucky whispered.

"You don't gotta whisper, Buck; just don't let the neighbors know what we're up to," Steve chuckled. "Wish I didn't have to make you be quiet - I love the sounds you're makin' for me."

Bucky's blush transformed into a hazy flush of desire. Steve inspired the most wanton lust in him. He wanted to be loud just for Steve. He wanted to be quiet just for Steve. Bucky nodded to show Steve he was onboard. He didn't know how, but someday, Bucky swore to himself, they would get to be as loud as they wanted.

For now, he could restrain himself.

Steve got back to his task of touching every inch of Bucky's skin. With the brunet's shirt rucked up, Steve spread his long, thin fingers over Bucky's abdomen in a possessive manner. He scraped his nails in light, intense lines under his palms as he bent forward to claim Bucky's lips.

The abs on Bucky's stomach twitched uncontrollably in response to the stimulation. Bucky controlled the volume of the whine escaping him, but not the neediness in it.

"Good job, Buck. Good job staying just quiet enough for me to hear." Steve lifted Bucky's arms up over his head and pulled his shirt up to his wrists to trap Bucky's arms together. "You know what? I'm glad no one but me gets to hear this. I'm finding out I'm real possessive of you like this, Bucky. Is it terrible of me to say I want to be the only one to hear you moaning for more?"

Bucky uttered that moan in a low voice. "Only if it's terrible of me to say you're the only person I ever wanted to make me moan for more."

"God, Bucky - how'd I get so lucky, huh? Think it's the universe making up for all the shit I have to deal with, that it gave me you?" Steve roamed his hands back down Bucky's arms to rest them on the stiff little peaks on Bucky's pecs.

"The universe owes you a lot more than just me, baby."

Steve flushed at the pet name when it slipped from Bucky's lips. "You're wrong. Ain't anything better than you here with me, asking me to make love to you - 'cept maybe if we tried it the other way, too."

"Damn, Steve. I dunno how no one but me gets to see how romantic you are." Bucky couldn't wrap his brain around it.

Steve looked strangely embarrassed at this. "I guess maybe I don't really let them see it. I didn't realize for a long time I held back because I was in love with you all along."

"You mean you never imagine it could go anywhere with a gal when you go out with em?" It was Bucky's turn to be shocked.

"Honestly? No. Whenever I try to imagine my future, I just hold on to the hope you won't get tired of me as a friend if you marry someone else." Steve couldn't meet Bucky's eyes. It had been a selfish thought to begin with, but to say it out loud? Steve hated himself for it.

Bucky loved him for it, and told him so. "I love you so much right now, Steve. You wanna know what I see when I think about my future? The exact same thing we been doing for - what, four years now? I can't believe it's only been four years. Feels like forever that we've lived this way."

Steve aimed a skeptical look at him. "You can't mean that, Buck."

Bucky was affronted. "Oh, I can't, can't I? Ain't it obvious now why I'm here? Let me tell you, it ain't because I feel sorry for you, punk. It ain't because of some sense of duty to a friend. It's cos I'm a real selfish guy, Steve."

Bucky was getting desperate for Steve to understand. "It's cos I want to wake up to feel you all over me every morning. It's cos I wanna make you eat breakfast every day. It's cos I wanna smile when I think about you during work. It's cos I wanna come home every day to see that you thought of me by making enough food to share. It's cos I wanna do the fucking dishes with you every day. It's cos I wanna watch you draw me every time you think I ain't paying attention. It's cos I wanna go to sleep in the same damn bed as you every night."

Steve's mouth hung open.

It made Bucky laugh. "Didn't know you mean that much to me, huh?"

"I... had no idea -"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Course you didn't."

"Let me finish," Steve insisted. "I had no idea you felt exactly the same way as me."

Bucky really had to stop letting Steve surprise him with obvious things like this. Of course they felt the same way about each other.

"Wow, we both had our heads really far up our asses, didn't we."

"You're telling me." Steve sniggered. "And now I want us to get up each other's asses instead."

Bucky snorted, then he gave a bellow of laughter. He couldn't stop. He pulled his hands out of his shirt and tugged Steve down into his arms, still laughing so hard he was sure tears were gonna start leaking out. Ah yes, there they were. He looked at Steve when he thought he was getting a hold of himself. The devilish grin on Steve's face made him start all over again.

Bucky sighed happily and wiped his face. "How the fuck am I still turned on?" he asked.

"Maybe cos you were thinking about all the ways we actually could get at each other's asses," Steve suggested slyly, giving Bucky a side-eye.

"Yeah, maybe," Bucky conceded. "I'm gonna find out for us. I know a couple people to ask about it."

"Just make sure first that it won't get you in trouble to ask," Steve insisted.

"I promise, Steve," Bucky told him sincerely. "If I think there's any risk, I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Good. I like your mouth," Steve kind of derailed from his train of thought.

Bucky smirked. "Why d'you like my mouth, Steve?"

Steve leaned even closer and tangled his hands in Bucky's hair. "Cos I just want to kiss it all the time," he murmured on Bucky's lips before following through and devouring the man under him. Bucky held Steve tightly and softly moaned every breath onto Steve's demanding tongue.

"Oh my god, Steve. You absolutely sure you never kissed anyone before? Because damn, you're good at it," Bucky half groaned as Steve moved on to kiss Bucky's neck.

"I'm mostly going on enthusiasm, I guess," Steve managed to answer before sucking Bucky's left nipple into his hot, wet mouth.

Bucky slapped a hand over his nose and mouth to keep from crying out in bliss. He hiccuped from the sudden way he'd held his breath.

Steve noticed and popped off to ask, " This okay, Buck? It's just, I've wanted to touch your nipples a long time. Guess I didn't think to ask first."

Bucky calmed his breathing and gave a strangled, "It's fine. Just sensitive, is all." Half a whine slipped out when Steve ran a teasing fingernail over the wet bud.

"If you can be quiet, I'll play with them until you beg me to stop," Steve promised.

"Oh god," Bucky keened, as muffled as he could make it, when Steve continued.

Steve did play with Bucky's nipples until Bucky was writhing with overstimulation. Steve loved hearing the noises Bucky made for the different ways Steve touched his nipples. Bucky jolted and squeaked whenever nails were scraped over the hard peaks. He moaned long and soft and sweet when Steve gently rolled or tugged them between his fingertips. Bucky had to put a hand over his mouth when Steve licked and bit one after the other.

Bucky seemed to have the hardest time staying quiet when Steve had his whole mouth attached to a nipple, though. Didn't matter whether Steve was suckling a gentle pulse on it or if he suddenly increased the pressure. Tears leaked out of the brunet's screwed-shut eyes and what Steve knew to be piercing screams stopped at the hand keeping Bucky from even breathing when Steve pulled either of Bucky's swollen nipples into his mouth.

"I - I can't... I can't take any more. P-please stop," Bucky struggled to whisper.

Steve stopped immediately, just resting his palms on top of the overly sensitive flesh so Bucky wouldn't feel bereft of his touch. "You are so goddamn perfect, Bucky," Steve whispered back.

Bucky licked his dry and bitten lips. "Kiss me?"

"Absolutely," Steve replied. Before he got to it, he asked, "Can I undress you, Buck?"

"Yeah," Bucky croaked back. His voice was already shot.

Steve kissed him slowly and moved to undo Bucky's pants. As he slipped them off, he slid his hand down to cup Bucky's groin. He'd soaked the front of his underwear.

"You come already, Buck?"

"Uh... I don't think so?"

Steve grinned. "You don't sound so sure."

"I didn't," Bucky decided. He was pretty sure he'd have noticed if he came.

"Well, it seems like even if you did, you're still excited, so I still get to put my hands to work here." Steve eagerly set himself to work after discarding Bucky's shorts.

"Tell me how I'm doin', so I'll know what you like," Steve ordered.

"Fuck yes, Steve. Just like that. A little more - yes! Holy shit!" It was a good thing Bucky's voice was shot. Any louder than he was rasping his approval and Mrs. Next Door would have been able to hear loud and clear that the lovely young men who helped her with groceries and furniture had some shocking proclivities.

Bucky dragged Steve up for more kissing when he'd finished. "Use my ass," he husked after he caught his breath again.

Steve started shaking his head. "Don't wanna hurt you -"

"Not like that. Just move against my body," Bucky elaborated. He reached for some Vaseline. "You ever tried slicking your way before?"

"Sometimes with soap," Steve answered, taking the small container.

"Same concept. Take a little of this and settle in behind me. I'll help you." Bucky flipped over and looked at Steve adoringly.

Steve unscrewed the cap and looked from it to Bucky. "You did not just come up with this right now," he deduced. "You really thought this through."

Bucky blushed. "I'm not a complete ignoramus," he allowed. The people Bucky thought of asking for advice had had a whispered conversation about this strategy last year that immediately gave him a boner to think of Steve doing it to him. It became a pretty common fantasy after that.

"Come on, Steve. I bet it feels good," Bucky encouraged.

Steve got his clothes off and Bucky had only a moment to appreciate the blond's wiry body before it was blanketing his back.

"You really want me to do this," Steve skeptically repeated.

Bucky heard in his tone what this was about. Steve didn't think he deserved to have the power. He wasn't used to even being in control of himself. He had no idea what to do with the desire Bucky had for him.

Bucky propped himself up and twisted to look Steve in the eye. "You got no idea how much I want this. You remember three days ago when I came out of the shower whistling and couldn't meet your eye?"

Steve nodded.

Bucky swallowed and made himself keep talking. "I'd just gotten off thinking of you doing this to me, pulling on my hair, and calling me a slut. I got off hard thinking that, Steve. Pretty sure there's something wrong with me to want that so much."

Steve took Bucky's jaw in one hand and his hair in the other. He lowered himself on top of Bucky again and didn't let Bucky break their eye contact.

"There is nothing wrong with you for wanting that, Bucky. You're perfect for me, you realize that? How can God make us so perfect together and then turn around and condemn us, just because we realized this is how we're made? He can't. I know the church calls it a sin. Maybe that just goes for being out of wedlock, like everyone else. I don't have the answer. But I will never condemn you for anything you want, Bucky. I'll never make fun of you. Now I know you want this kinda thing, I don't have any hang-ups with it. You know why I hesitated, right?"

Bucky nodded. Damn, Steve could be so intense. He had to straighten one thing out, though. "I don't want this every time. Just about half the time. Think of it as taking care of me. I want to take care of you too, Stevie - if you want me to."

Steve smiled. "Hell yeah, I want it the other way, too. I might not always be easy on you the way you're so easy on me. Not generally a fan of being taken care of."

Bucky rolled his eyes. "I am well aware of this."

A sharp crack rent the air. Steve didn't even think before he did it. It just happened.

They both held their breath. They couldn't look away from each other.

Bucky cleared his throat. "Do that again," he said, leaving no room for questions.

Steve's hand came down on Bucky's ass. They both gasped.

"Holy shit." Bucky's pupils were wide with renewed arousal.

Bucky's ass jiggled when Steve hit it, and Steve's slick pelvis was flush to that ass. It was the most amazing thing Steve had ever felt.

"You want me to hit you more?" Steve hesitantly asked.

"Yeah," Bucky replied with wonder.

"You want me to pull your hair?" Steve gained a little confidence.

"Yeah," Bucky repeated.

"You want me to call you that name you said before?" Steve tightened his hand on Bucky's hair.

"Oh god, yes. Please, Steve," Bucky begged.

"You want all that, huh? Want me to do all that stuff? Call you names, slap your ass, pull your hair, and grind on you for my own pleasure?" Steve did each physical action as he listed them.

"Yes, Steve, please." Bucky's voice was muffled, as he'd buried his face in the sheets.

Steve yanked Bucky's head up, continuing to move against him. "What was it my slut said?"

Bucky flushed from the middle of his chest up to his forehead. "I said, yes, Steve, please," he repeated on a whimper.

"That's my good slut. So eager to be mine that he wants me to show him by using his body. You want me to use you, Bucky?"

Bucky whimpered again, but didn't answer.

Steve slapped his ass to prompt him to speak.

"Yes, please. God, Stevie - want you to use me so bad. Want to be all yours. Fuck, I'm all yours, Steve. I really am a slut for you. Sometimes I go without a shirt or let you see me changing clothes to show you what's yours." Bucky knew he was rambling, but he couldn't shut himself up. "You draw me naked, right? I'd be happy to get turned on so you can draw what you do to me. You can draw me naked any time you want." Where was his mouth's off button?

Steve growled in his ear. Maybe Steve wasn't bothered by the rambling. "Fucking hell, Bucky. That's all I'm going to be able to draw from now on: You, all laid out, waiting for me to do something with you."

Bucky moaned. "Fuck yes."

Steve rutted faster against Bucky's ass and slapped it again. He jerked his hand in Bucky's hair for good measure and said, "That's my good slut, Bucky," as he came.

Bucky's eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned low at the feeling. He came again when Steve snuck a hand under him to help him along, still moving against his back.

Steve peppered Bucky's neck and shoulders with kisses as they both slowly cooled down.

"Damn," Bucky breathed.

"You said it," Steve agreed.

After they'd both been quiet for several minutes, Steve broke the silence.

"You gotta find out how two fellas are supposed to have sex, cos it's your turn to do the work next time and I want you inside me."

He sounded so bratty about it that Bucky just had to laugh.

"I'll find out," he promised.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve awoke from one dream to find another. "We're naked, so that must have really happened," he mumbled.

"Yep. You are the proud owner of my virginity." Bucky didn't bother opening his eyes.

"Pretty sure that's not how virginity works," Steve argued.

"Fine. Today I'll find out how it works and then we'll properly deflower each other."

"Great. Good morning."

"Good morning."

"I love you, Buck."

"I love you too, Steve."

Steve smiled and snugged his body tighter against Bucky's.

"Wish I had time for that," Bucky groaned as their full cocks rubbed together.

"You sure you can't be late?" Steve undulated his pelvis and put one of Bucky's hands on his ass.

"You're going to get me in trouble with the super..." Bucky's complaint was ruined by the way he kneaded Steve's ass cheek and rolled his hips to meet Steve's.

"They can start without you," Steve whispered.

"Fuck it." Bucky pushed Steve onto his back and finally opened his eyes. "I'm not about to turn down any new experience with you." He carefully lay half on Steve so as not to wind him and grasped their cocks in one hand.

Bucky's action made Steve gasp and fling his head back. What a sight to wake up to. Bucky drank it in. He leaned down and licked a stripe up Steve's neck.

"You're gorgeous, Steve. Know ya don't believe me. Maybe sometime we'll find a mirror so I can show you the way you blush and melt for me." Steve arched up into him, more in tune with the pleasure than his discomfort with the praise. "The way your hair falls back and your eyelids drop like you almost can't keep them open. Damn, baby."

"Bucky," Steve whined, half in protest and half in desperate pleasure.

Bucky shivered at the sound. "That's it, baby. Let go."

Steve moaned quietly, not even fully aware he was making noise. He was just naturally quieter than Bucky. He gazed up into Bucky's silvery eyes, heavy-lidded with sleep. His lips were perfectly swollen too. Steve surged up to lick and kiss them.

Bucky hummed, kissing him back. He swept his tongue through Steve's mouth. At this, Steve did groan a little louder, but Bucky was there to swallow the sound for him.

"I love your eyebrows, Steve," Bucky said, slowing his hand. He wasn't sure why this thought popped into his head right then. "It's stupid, I know, but I can always tell what you're thinking from your eyebrows. They're also really handsome. Like I said, it sounds dumb, but there we are." Bucky grinned dopily at Steve.

"I get it," Steve told him, humoring the subject, which was weirdly random, especially with what they were doing. "I love your eyebrows too. I can pretty much never tell what you're thinking from your eyebrows, because you're so good at hiding it. I can sometimes tell from other things what you're thinking, but what I love about your eyebrows is their shape and color, and how they frame your face. Artist stuff. How'd we get on to eyebrows?" Steve laughed.

"I don't know what made me think of it," Bucky chuckled back. "I just had to tell you, since I can tell you that sort of thing, now."

Steve smirked. Bucky had decided it was his favorite expression to see on Steve. "Since we're in the sharing mood, then, I found out last night that I love your nipples a lot more than I thought I did. And they were pretty great to start with."

Bucky blushed. "If I had time, I'd find out this very second how much I like yours. Unfortunately, this has to be a bit rushed right now so I don't miss too much work at the dock. Sorry about that. I'll make it up to you later."

"I know," Steve allowed with a soft smile. "And we'll at least have some kind of idea what to do with each other then."

"I'd say this one is another win, wouldn't you?"

"I would if you'd quit stalling and get back to moving your hand on us. You're gonna be doubly late," Steve ribbed him.

"Yeah, yeah. Wish I could just tell them my fella held me up by being too tempting," Bucky groaned as he resumed a faster stroke.

"Their faces," Steve breathlessly laughed.

"Yeah," Bucky halfheartedly agreed. He focused even more on finishing them both. Maybe he could try a little nipple stimulation for Steve at the same time. He bent almost in half and laved Steve's right nipple with his tongue.

Steve's breath hitched and flowed out on a disbelieving moan. "Oh my god, Bucky." He grabbed onto Bucky's hair with both hands, forgetting for a moment what that did for the brunet.

He pulled a little too roughly and Bucky's moan reverberated through Steve's chest.

Steve loved when Bucky had talked dirty to him before, so he decided to try a little too.

"Fuck, that's right. How could I forget you like getting your hair pulled to remind you you're mine?" Bucky whined helplessly. Steve pulled his hair again. "I like that you're figuring out what I like, Bucky. You're doing a great job. Keep sucking on my nipples."

The suction changed to something truly distracting and Steve wasn't able to utter anything other than insensate moans that he tried to stifle. Bucky continued to jerk them both off.

Steve started shaking a minute later, his moans more and more breathy. He keened a last, lilting, "Bucky," as he came, shaking apart in his lover's arms. His hands clamped down hard and Bucky's scalp tingled from the pressure.

The cum still dripping down their cocks helped Bucky to stroke them even better and he groaned into Steve's shoulder. Steve continued to shake and his breaths started to worry Bucky slightly. He let go of Steve's cock to see if his breathing would even out on its own. When it was apparent they had narrowly avoided an asthma attack, Bucky sighed in relief and stroked himself off over Steve.

Steve wished he had his sketchbook.

"Oh god, Steve," Bucky groaned one last time as he finished, splattering Steve's thin chest. He was careful to lower himself next to Steve while he slowly continued to work over his cock. Steve's hand soon joined him and Bucky let him take over.

"You still orgasming, Buck?" Steve growled in his ear. Bucky's breathing hitched as another wave of heat scorched through him at the question.

"Wish I could have helped you go a little longer at the end there," he responded, forcing his eyes back open.

"Damn asthma ruining something else for me," Steve lamented, letting Bucky go.

"Other'n that, was that pretty much what you wanted?" Bucky smiled lazily.

Steve trailed a finger down the side of Bucky's face. "It was perfect. Now you better get going, though."

Bucky grinned. "That isn't what you were saying five minutes ago."

"Well, we both had morning erections five minutes ago," Steve countered. He put his hands on Bucky's chest and shoved with as much strength as he could muster.

Because Bucky hadn't been expecting it, he yelped as his upper body thudded to the floor. Steve laughed as he tossed Bucky's feet after him.

"Pushing me off the bed," Bucky grumbled. "We'll see if you get any morning sex after this."

Steve amusedly rebutted, "And yet you love me anyway."

"Least I can always get back at you," Bucky said brightly.

Steve eyed Bucky warily as he stalked closer. In any other context, Bucky's easy prowl and the hungry look in his eye would be a huge turn-on, but Steve knew that right now his lover was looking for revenge.

Steve scrambled to kneel on the bed, ready for anything from a good-natured scrap to a knock-down drag-out fight.

He didn't get either.

Bucky tackled him to the bed and immediately attacked Steve's ticklish sides. Steve barked a laugh and tried to shove the brunet away again. This time Bucky had braced for it and he just continued to tickle his revenge into Steve's ribs. "Come here, ya lil punk. Think you can throw me outta bed, huh, Steve? After takin' care of ya?"

He drew back suddenly, realizing what he'd said. "That's what it's about, isn't it? You gotta try not to do that to me, Steve."

Steve found a spot on the wall to be quite fascinating.

"This is different than making you take medicine or dragging you to the doc," Bucky continued. "I don't expect you to thank me for that shit. It sucks. I can't even imagine how much. I still do that shit because of the same reason - cos I love you - but getting in bed naked? That's not something you need me to do for you. It's just something we want to do together. If you push me away after sex and stuff like that, it could come between us, Steve."

Steve hadn't thought of it like that. He guiltily met Bucky's eyes.

"Don't let it," Bucky urged him. "If you want to fight something, fight that. Fight to get closer instead of away."

Steve hauled Bucky in for a tight hug. "'M sorry, Bucky. I didn't realize that's what I was doing. Won't do it again. I promise."

"Good. I forgive you. You doing okay now?" Bucky pulled back to read Steve's face. He'd know if Steve was telling the truth.

Steve knew Bucky could read him like a book. He sighed. "I will be. I feel awful, and it might eat me up for a little while, but knowing we're figuring it out will help a little, I think."

Bucky smiled wryly at him. "You sure you won't just start thinking this is yet another thing you don't want me to help you with?"

"I can't promise that, but if you see me doin' it, you know to remind me to stop. Sorry I'm such a hard person to love." He looked away.

Bucky shook his head. "Stevie, you're an easy person to love. You're a hard person to help. It frustrates me that you think the only way to do things is by yourself. Well, I hate to break it to you, pal, but you're in a relationship now, and that shit won't work out so well anymore."

Steve smiled at him again. "Seems like maybe we were always kinda in a relationship and you've been trying to tell me that very thing more and more as we got closer."

Bucky laughed and got up. He snagged some fresh underwear and pulled on a pair of pants. "Maybe so. Might be that's something I didn't realize I was doing over the years. You're a stubborn ass, Steve, but you're my stubborn ass. And my ass - which, yes, I know, is equally stubborn - is really late to work." He whisked on a shirt, hopped into his socks, and stepped into his shoes as he approached the bed again.

Bucky sat next to Steve and pulled him close. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Steve whispered back. He couldn't believe he hadn't fucked this up with his stupid stunt. He kissed Bucky, who rubbed a hand down his nude arm as he kissed back.

"Bye, Steve. I'll see you tonight. Eat an apple before you leave. I mean it."

Steve tried to smile. "I'll try to remember."

"No," Bucky scolded him. "You will eat an apple. You will not punish yourself by not eating. And you will not make plans about doing all the work tonight when I come back. It's still my turn to make love to you. Don't take that away from me, okay?"

Steve could see how earnest Bucky was. "Yeah, alright. You know me too well."

"Damn right, I know you." He tugged Steve even closer. "And I know when I get back, you're going to be buzzing with the need to get me inside you. Ain't that right, baby?" Bucky rumbled into Steve's ear.

Steve flushed with sudden desire. "Now I'm gonna be thinking about that all day, jerk."

Bucky smirked. "I know. See you later, Stevie."

Steve was a mess all day. He barely remembered to grab an apple on the way out the door. He fumbled produce and customers alike. The store owner made him take his break early to see if he could get his equilibrium back.

Steve spent that thirty minute break with half of his mind in the gutter and the other half in a pit of self-loathing while he went through the motions of eating. He couldn't recall what he'd eaten.

Steve dazedly continued his pattern of going through the motions for the rest of his shift. He had to be told it was time for him to go, and then his boss called him back as he was heading out the door.

"Didn't you want to bring home some food, Steve?" Mr. Gruer asked worriedly.

"Oh," Steve exclaimed. "Yeah, I completely forgot. Right. I'll need a couple potatoes, some peas, an onion, and...um...spinach. That was pretty down in price today."

The grocer kept a concerned eyeball on him as Steve collected his ingredients. "Got some chicken stock that's on its expiration date today from my brother-in-law's shop. You take that, too, Steve. No arguments. You feel better, y'hear?"

Mr. Gruer rang him up and set the jar of stock - which looked like more chicken than stock, the old liar - next to the rest once he'd pulled it from the cooler.

"I insist on paying for the chicken, sir," Steve told him.

"Nonsense. It's mostly broth, and I'd have to toss it tonight if you didn't take it. You're doing me a favor, Rogers, and I don't get paid when someone does me a favor." He stared Steve down, the two of them matched in stubbornness.

"Fine," Steve conceded, "but I'm leaving you a tip."

Mr. Gruer chuckled. Steve had no idea that whatever tips he left were added to his paycheck. "You're a good kid, Steve. Have a good night."

"I will," Steve replied, remembering again that he actually was about to have a really great night.

When Steve got home, he put everything on the range and dropped the spinach in last. He was just salting it when the door opened.

Steve turned to look at Bucky, who tapped the side of his nose and winked. Steve blushed and refocused on supper.

After a moment, long, strong arms wrapped around him. Bucky leaned down to kiss behind his ear.

"Thanks for supper, Stevie," he whispered.

"Ya don't even know how it tastes yet," Steve muttered. "I could have put liver in it, for all the attention span I've had today."

Bucky's low, sexy chuckle made Steve's hair stand on end. "Good thing I don't mind liver too much, then."

"Well I do. I hope I haven't really put liver in this." Steve inspected each bowl carefully as he ladled them full.

Bucky smiled at him and sat down. "We gotta wait a little while after we eat so no bodily functions interrupt us later," Bucky murmured before taking his first spoonful.

Steve nodded. The air had taken a turn for the shy and hopeful. "Hey," he broke the silence. "This our second date, fully knowing what we are?"

Bucky smirked. "Technically, I think it's our first, since you asked what we are after supper last night."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Sure, Buck. We'll go with that."

The rest of the meal felt a little more secure now that they'd poked fun at each other. They could pretend it was somewhat normal for them to eat a meaningful meal together and think about how they would go to bed together later. In a way, it was normal. They did this every day.

"Thanks for dinner, Steve," Bucky said like always as he took the dishes.

"Course, Buck. You didn't necessarily do breakfast today, but what I got instead was pretty damn good." Steve was sure his face was red. He was trying out the whole 'fight to get closer' idea.

"Good," Bucky said with satisfaction. He paused. "Wait. Did you eat?" He aimed a beady, suspicious eye at the blond.

"Yeah, I ate. But it was a close call. I was highly distracted all day." Steve kissed Bucky's shoulder when he came to the sink to help. "You run into any trouble talking to those people?"

"No. I was real careful. I did get into trouble with the super, like I thought I would, though."

"They didn't fire you, did they?"

"Nah, I told them you were sick with food poisoning and I had to make sure you were alright before leaving."

Steve smiled the tiny smile he saved just for Bucky. "Turns out my fella is smarter than he looks - and that's a high bar to jump."

Bucky turned to Steve to give him a matching look: half teasing, half unbearably fond.

Steve had a feeling it would take a long time to feel comfortable being this open. "Don't say anything; just take the compliment, Buck." He could feel his shoulders rising up around his ears. It seemed when Steve tried to get rid of one defense, another took its place.

"I get it," Bucky whispered. "Seems like I don't know what to say to that anyway - 'cept 'thanks.'"

Steve shifted from foot to foot and nodded.

Bucky decided it was time to change the subject. "So, you tired of drawing this mug yet?"

"Nah, not gonna happen. Although," Steve playfully teased, "I believe I have permission to draw you naked, so I'm definitely gonna cash in on that."

"Oh yeah? With or without that extra I mentioned?"

"I'll take as much as you want to give me, Barnes. Every inch of you is worth putting on paper."

"Is that right," Bucky challenged. "It won't make you uncomfortable?" He pulled his shirt off as he spoke.

"Hell no." Steve slipped his hands to Bucky's lower back and kissed his sternum. "I'd feel privileged."

"Are you sure? You're not fucking with me?" He gave Steve a skeptical look.

"Well..." Steve drawled, "Not yet."

Bucky giggled. "I set myself up for that one," he remarked.

"Yeah, you sure as hell did." Steve bounced a hand off Bucky's ass. "Come on, get those trousers off. I wanna draw your ass first." Steve breezed past into the living room to get his supplies out.

Bucky was blind-sided with a minor freak-out. He tried to talk himself into getting with the program. His feet didn't want to move. It kept hitting him over the head that Steve thought he was worth drawing naked - was getting ready to do so as Bucky stood frozen.

"Buck-?" Steve hesitantly called from behind him. Bucky could feel his back hunching in response. Steve's hand landed lightly on him and he flinched. "What's wrong?"

"Sorry," he whispered. Bucky hated that he couldn't make his voice come out normally. "Just nervous."

"I've seen you nervous, Bucky. This is what you look like when you're terrified," Steve told him sadly. Was it something he'd done? Was Bucky not ready for them to be together? Was it all too much?

Bucky shook his head. "I'm... I'm fine, I promise."

"You know that's a lie. You're a much better liar than me, and I know you're not fine. Tell me what it is." Steve held his breath.

"It's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever thought," Bucky warned.

"You hear every stupid thought that goes through my head. Tell me," Steve insisted.

Bucky slapped his hands over his face. "I - I don't think I'm ready for you to draw me naked. I think I'm... this is so stupid... I think I'm feeling fucking shy."

Steve almost couldn't hear him, Bucky's voice was so muffled. When what he'd said registered, Steve wrapped himself closer around Bucky and rubbed his back.

"You don't gotta do anything, Bucky. Remember when you said you didn't want to make me uncomfortable? Same goes for you. You wear whatever clothes you want. In fact, we could even do something different tonight. You could read to me." Steve warmed up to his idea. "Yeah, why don't we do that. Let's just get used to sitting as close as we want and you can read me that book you been holding onto for a month."

Bucky nodded.

"You want your shirt back?"

Bucky shook his head.

"You mind if I take mine off?"

Bucky shook his head again.

"Come on, let's go." Steve tugged him around to the couch and nudged him to sit.

Bucky followed Steve's movements when the guy shrugged out of his shirt. His expression warmed a bit at the sight of Steve's bony chest. He opened his arms and Steve sat so close he was almost on the brunet's lap.

Steve handed him his book. Bucky buried his nose in Steve's hair and drew fortification from the closeness. This right here was what he lived for: This generous, understanding guy who buried himself under layers of acerbity.

"Thanks, Steve," Bucky whispered.

"You're welcome, Buck." He paused, then haltingly asked, "You mind if I sketch a bit anyway? It feels wrong to do nothing with my hands."

Steve could feel it when Bucky smiled against him. He wished he could see the way his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"Go ahead. This mean I get to see your drawing come to life before my eyes?"

Steve laughed. "If you can do two things at once," he replied. "You're supposed to read out loud, remember."

"Yeah, but watching you draw is way more interesting."

"I'll be drawing you," Steve admitted.

"Nothing new about that," Bucky dismissed the concern. He'd be fine as long as he didn't feel like he was on display. It was stupid how his mind, which had come up with the fantasy in the first place, wouldn't let him have this in reality.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Steve," Bucky mumbled.

"You shut your mouth, Bucky." Steve firmly held his gaze. "I ain't even a little disappointed. Maybe I don't get to look my fill at your skin, but I get to feel it and be close to you. That means more to me than studying you just for a drawing."

"If you say so," Bucky allowed. He cut Steve off from starting in on his lecture again by flipping open to his spot in the book and reading aloud.

Steve shot him an irritated look and pinched Bucky's arm, but otherwise held his peace. He focused on the way Bucky's dexterous fingers held the pages and made quick study of the lines and shapes.

Bucky wasn't three pages into the narrative before Steve flipped his own page to start over. He started with Bucky's hand again, but this time made the scale smaller so he could attach an arm to it. Steve couldn't see Bucky's shoulders, but he could see his chest, so that became part of the drawing too.

Bucky noticed when Steve's breathing changed - since he'd trained himself to listen for the start of an asthma attack, he was used to listening to the guy's lungs. Bucky glanced over in time to see Steve lovingly render two dark, semi-pebbled nipples. He'd bet that sketchbook was hiding Steve's attraction by covering his lap.

Bucky was feeling more level-headed again, so he decided to act slightly impish.

"Our hero was not only calm and brave in the face of danger, he also had great nipples. Anyone who saw them swooned in either lust or envy." He grinned when Steve shot him a withering glare.

His expression glazed over when Steve reached up to pinch one. Bucky couldn't look away from Steve's admiring eyes, which shone brightly in his desire-darkened expression.

"You know what I used to tell myself?" the blond asked rhetorically in his low voice. "That I was drawing you so much because I can appreciate good-looking people. You're a walking work of art, Bucky, but I never got turned on drawing other good-looking people. Didn't understand it for a long time."

Bucky cleared his throat and the remnants of his bout of self-consciousness. "We can move this to the bed just as soon as we've used the toilet. I only want you messy from our own efforts. And we gotta use a bit of soap inside, too. It'll feel weird."

He could see Steve's cheeks had pinked even in the low lighting. Steve nodded.

It took each of their bodies a while, and Bucky was wondering whether it was really necessary to void their bowels if it meant they would have to wait even longer, when Steve finally excused himself. Bucky heard Steve come out of the bathroom, but the blond didn't return to the living room. After a minute, Bucky heard his name being called.

Bucky followed Steve's voice to the bedroom. The sight that greeted him stole his breath away.

Steve lay naked and spread out on the bed, both knees up, Vaseline jar in one hand, and a finger from the other up his ass.

In true Steve fashion, his most prominent emotion was annoyance. "I don't know what to do next," he complained.

This extremely Steve reaction tore a disbelieving laugh from Bucky's locked throat. He removed his own clothes, then pressed himself along Steve's side. "Please let me, Stevie," he implored.

Steve sighed and moved his hand to give Bucky access to his hole. "So much for trying to help."

"I told you," Bucky reminded him gently, "I really want to do this for you. Don't take it from me. Let me take care of you without complaining or trying to do it yourself. If you think of it like you're giving me a gift by letting me do all the work, would that help?"

Steve watched Bucky coat his fingers in their lubricant of circumstance. Maybe Bucky needed to do it this way, it occurred to him. Maybe Bucky needed to know Steve could appreciate when Bucky did things for him. Maybe Bucky liked doing things for Steve, especially when Steve could do them himself.

"Yeah, that helps," Steve whispered. He swallowed and forced out, "Thank you, Bucky."

Bucky paused. That sounded a lot bigger than the situation they were in right now. The look Steve was giving him was far too earnest to be about this one thing. Bucky recalled the things that he did for Steve all the time; he took care of Steve so much that it was part of his personality. It seemed Steve was taking this opportunity to thank Bucky for far more than he'd expected Steve to acknowledge.

Bucky echoed Steve's swallow and replied, "You're welcome, Steve." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. "Thank you," he continued as he gently touched Steve's rim, "for asking me to touch you like this; for wanting me to make love to you."

Steve nodded his assent. He was in awe that it could feel so different for Bucky to touch him. He was way more turned on from Bucky's barely-there touch than when Steve had put one of his own fingers inside himself.

Bucky played with the rim for a minute, feeling the way it fluttered for him. Steve was looking at him with such amazement. Bucky slipped a fingertip past the muscle and Steve gasped. He was fully hard, now.

Bucky dared to let Steve's ass pull in the rest of his finger. He rested there, feeling Steve convulse around him. Bucky couldn't imagine that sensation on his dick.

"Now's when it's supposed to feel weird," Bucky reminded Steve. "If it hurts, I'm doing it wrong, so you gotta tell me. It's okay if it aches a little bit, since I'm supposed to stretch you out."

Steve nodded again and breathed an "Okay."

Bucky started circling his finger slowly in all directions. "This is just to get another finger inside," he explained. "Then you're going to feel something amazing; something you've never felt before."

Bucky wasn't sure how the punk managed it, but Steve found the motivation to be a smart-ass. "I know all too well I've never felt your dick in my ass before."

Bucky chuckled and called him out. "No, smart-ass, something you've already got that you've never felt before." Bucky pressed on Steve's perineum with his other hand. Steve moaned. "You feel that? I'm gonna touch that from inside you."

"Damn, did those guys sit you down for a whole class on how to have gay sex?"

"Just about. It was a very interesting work day."

"Sounds like it."

"I think this is the longest I've been half-hard or more from thinking about you since that time last year I saw you naked."

"How could I forget? That certainly made my shower more memorable." A devious gleam grew in Steve's eye. "Funny how I sometimes forget to lock the door when I mean to shower."

Bucky gasped indignantly. "You little shit."

Steve snorted in his laughter. "Well, I'll definitely be forgetting a lot more things now, like shutting doors when I've got my clothes off, keeping it discrete when I'm aroused or getting off, whose shirts and underwear are whose - that kind of thing might tend to slip my mind from time to time."

Bucky leaned closer to murmur against Steve's lips. "It might just kill me to walk in on any of that."

"Good thing I'm not especially private around you, huh?" Steve combined his flirtatious smirk with a gloating grin.

"Damn, Stevie," Bucky groaned as he nudged the tip of another finger alongside the first. He gently spread Steve's hole even wider.

Steve's breath stopped again at the new feeling. "You're a damn sight bigger than just two fingers, Buck. You sure that's all I need first?"

"I'll use more. I was just saying earlier that I only need two to give you pleasure." He slowly worked the two fingers into Steve, pausing whenever Steve's hand clenched on him a bit roughly.

Finally, Bucky was twisting his fingers back and forth in Steve's tight hole with enough give to start stroking along the walls to find that spot.

Steve thrashed a little and a squeak escaped him as he clamped down on the volume of his unexpected moan.

Bucky found the bump again and petted over it wonderingly. Steve's body and breath shook as he exhaled.

"Oh my god, Bucky."

"That good, huh?"

"More," Steve demanded. His eyes were shut tight and his hips came up to meet Bucky's fingers.

"How do mean?" Bucky wasn't sure if Steve wanted another finger or what.

Steve refused to let himself be timid. "Try something else," he managed to sound confident although he was anything but, "like when I did different things with your nipples."

Bucky's brow smoothed out and he nodded. He pressed on Steve's prostate in different patterns, causing burst after burst of pleasure to course through Steve's body. The blond was flushed from tipped-back head to curling toes.

What Steve had said reminded Bucky he hadn't yet explored Steve's body as much as he'd wanted. He leaned over Steve to suck on one nipple and toy with the other between his fingers.

Steve became a pulsating mass of pleasure from the three points that Bucky was stimulating in tandem. The sensations washed over him and he moaned uncontrollably. He was glad he wasn't very loud anyway, since he had no thoughts to spare on his volume.

"Bucky," he whined, just to say the name of his favorite person - the person who was causing him more pleasure than he'd felt in his life.

Bucky looked deviously up at him and slid down his body.

Steve panted for breath and watched him.

Could Steve have really thought before that he'd felt the most pleasure he'd ever felt? How could he have been so wrong?

That beautiful mouth transferred from Steve's nipple to the head of his cock. Bucky lapped all around and sucked. He watched Steve to find out what he liked, but figured he'd try all the advice he'd gotten anyway.

Bucky kept up his efforts on the bump in Steve's ass and brought his free hand down to stroke the rest of Steve's dick. He worked his tongue on the underside of the head and watched with glee as Steve reacted. This was a change in Steve's breathing that Bucky loved.

And he had caused it.

While Steve was in such a good place, with warmth running in his blood, Bucky touched Steve's rim with a third finger. Steve startled, but nodded down at him. Bucky started to work his fingertip in, still pressing on Steve's prostate and sucking on his cock.

Steve turned his head from side to side, starting to really feel that ache like Bucky had said.

Bucky tried to stretch Steve's ass quickly but gently. He was getting a little impatient to fuck his best friend.

"Oh, god, fuck me, Bucky," Steve meant to demand but ended up begging. He'd be embarrassed about it later. Right now, he was focused on lasting long enough to get Bucky inside him.

Bucky drew back just enough to say, "Only a little longer, Stevie," and resumed eating Steve like a popsicle.

Steve thought he might finish early if it took too much longer. "I can take it; that's enough."

Bucky knew how to convince Steve to let himself be prepared longer. He made sure Steve was looking at him, then slowly drew off of Steve's cock, letting his saliva connect them. Bucky peered coyly at Steve through his eyelashes, knowing full well that in combination with his bloated lips, stained cheeks, and bright eyes he looked like a goddamn treat. In a soft, nearly-petulant voice said, "Are you sure you don't want me to suck your cock some more, Stevie?"

"Fuck." Steve's head dropped back down into the sheets. "Have at it. But it's up to you if I spend early."

Bucky dropped the act and grinned broadly. "I only need long enough to get you opened up nice and wide for me," he growled.

Steve groaned. "Hurry up."

Bucky hurried. Soon he was moaning, kneeling between Steve's thighs, and adding Vaseline to his previously ignored erection.

Steve anchored his heels on Bucky's ass and pulled him in faster. He knew he was acting a little impatient. At least Steve was fighting to get closer. He cupped Bucky's face and brought it down to his own for kissing.

With a spontaneous increase in courage, Steve looked in his eye and challenged, "Come on, Bucky - make love to me, fuck me. Make us both come."

Bucky nodded against Steve's lips. He guided the head of his cock to Steve's rim and squeezed inside.

"Oh shit," they both said in tandem.

"God, Bucky. I should have listened to you," Steve ground out.

"Is that the anthem of your life I hear?" Bucky half-joked. More seriously, he asked, "You want me to do more? I'll take as long as you need."

"No," Steve gritted out through his teeth.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Steve," he admonished, "I know you don't need me to do more. Do you want me to do more? You're allowed to want more. You deserve this to be real special, Steve."

Steve stared up at the ceiling, considering. He could be stubborn about this and Bucky would listen to him. Either way, Bucky would do what Steve wanted.

"I think I'd like a little more stretching," he muttered.

Bucky was so proud of him. He pulled back and leaned in to gently kiss Steve. "Thank you, Steve. It's important to me that this time be really, really good for you. Another time we can try a rough fuck if you want."

Steve smiled. "That would be great." He thought a moment, then said, "You should ask those guys what else we could try. I want to do all of it."

"You ask them," Bucky grumbled. "They can look at you like you're dinner for a change. Or..." He paused. "They said there's hangouts... and clubs... That guys like us go to. Not to have sex there, just to talk with other fellas that - you know - have fellas or are looking for a fella."

"There's that many gay people in Brooklyn?" Steve's eyebrows raised.

"From what I understand, there's a lot we don't know about our city," Bucky answered. He went back into Steve with three fingers and gently worked them wider.

Steve moaned quietly whenever Bucky ran into his prostate.

Bucky spared a thought on how Steve didn't know what he was getting into by encouraging Bucky like this. Bucky occasionally scared himself with the force of his feelings for Steve.

"Okay, this might be weird, but -" Steve had no idea he was about to blow all Bucky's assumptions right out of the water, "- I want you to pull my hair the way I pulled yours."

Bucky stared at him in shock.

"That's too weird, isn't it. Never mind, then."

"No, no - I just didn't expect it. I don't have a problem with that."

Steve nodded, then took a deep breath. "AndIwannagotoaclub," he hurried the words out of his mouth like they might disappear before he could say them.

Bucky laughed in disbelief. "Of course you do. How do you keep surprising me when I know you so well, Steve? Are you going to bring your sketchbook to take notes?"

"No," Steve immediately protested far too loudly. He blushed and looked away. "Maybe."

Bucky smiled. "Hey, it's okay. You're allowed to do that. It may not be a free country for us, but it is a free relationship. When do I judge you for doing what you want?"

Steve's eyes flicked back to his. "Only when I'm actin' dumb."

"And finding out different ways we can be together is definitely not dumb." Bucky took his fingers back, deeming Steve actually ready this time. He crawled up Steve's body, leaving kisses as he went. Their height difference meant Bucky was hunched over Steve a bit when he entered the blond again. He latched onto Steve's lips so they wouldn't give themselves away moaning as Bucky sank slowly into his best friend, now lover.

Steve was glad Bucky didn't seem too invested in actual kissing at the moment, since all he could do was press his open mouth to Bucky's and dig his blunt nails into the brunet's shoulder blades. He panted against Bucky's own heavy breath, feeling fuller moment by moment.

Then a hand gripped his hair and he couldn't restrain himself anymore. Steve threw his head back and begged for the sake of it. He had what he wanted, so he wasn't asking for anything except that Bucky keep loving him like this.

"Please, Bucky," he croaked brokenly, "please - oh, god, please, yes."

Steve was in luck: Bucky always seemed to understand him so well.

"You take my goddamn breath away, Stevie," Bucky murmured when he could string a thought together. "I love you so fucking much."

"Oh god - love you, Buck. Move." Steve dug his hands and heels in harder.

"Rough fuck another time, remember?" Bucky chastised him.

"Yeah, but if ya don't do something - anything - I'm gonna lose my damn mind," Steve insisted, growing more desperate.

"Okay, but you're not ready yet. I'm s'posed to wait a minute. So..." Bucky propped himself up by the arm gripping Steve's hair and groped his other hand down Steve's thin body. He got between them and began slowly and painstakingly jerking Steve off.

Steve gasped and clenched down on Bucky's cock, prompting a moan and an involuntary stutter of hips.

Steve zeroed in on Bucky's expression - half bliss and half remorse for moving when he said he wouldn't. Bucky's hand kept moving on Steve, but Steve had only clenched up because the initial touch surprised him. Now he did it on purpose. He felt proud to have put that bliss on Bucky's face, and he wanted to see it again.

Bucky scrunched his eyes shut tight. His mouth hung open. His hand paused in its stroke. His hips undulated minutely.

Steve grinned in triumph, ignoring the slight discomfort.

"Oh, fuck, Steve. How dare - shit - how dare you, punk," he tried to reprimand.

"You don't like it? I guess I can stop if you want me to."

"I reckon we waited long enough now," Bucky decided as he pulled back slightly to start slowly making love to his punk.

Steve shuddered at the amazing feeling of Bucky fucking him. He clung on, feeling like he was falling apart. He could only meet Bucky's eyes for a few seconds at a time before he felt too vulnerable, too lost in the blatant way Bucky was showing the depth of his emotions.

Steve didn't fight to get away from it, though. He dragged his gaze back to Bucky, again and again. He let in the endearing dirty talk Bucky constantly whispered to his ear, his cheek, his neck.

He tried to give back a couple times. "You're amazing, Bucky. Hard to believe we're here. Wanted you like this so long."

Each time, Bucky's eyes shone a little brighter. "Hard to believe this is us, now, huh?"

"Maybe, but at the same time," Steve forced himself to be vulnerable, "this is so right that I can't imagine those futures we talked about anymore. All I can see now is you putting up with my ass for the rest of our lives."

"I'll have you know, I'm really enjoying your ass, and it would not be a hardship to put up with for the rest of our lives."

Steve grinned and swatted Bucky's shoulder. His smile faded a little. "Even if we have to be quiet our whole lives when we do this?"

"Stevie," Bucky slowed and put his forehead down to Steve's, "being with you however you wanna let me is something I'll always want, no matter if anyone else says I shouldn't. I know you recently figured out you want that too. I don't care that we'll have to be careful about it. I don't care that if we want to date it'll be double dates. I don't care that you'll have to cover my mouth when you're on top - hell, I think it's hot. What we got is worth any price to me."

Steve dragged a hand across his eyes. It was intense, hearing his own thoughts echoed back to him. "Yeah," he croaked.

Bucky smiled at him, his own eyes watering from the emotions too. He lowered his lips to Steve's jaw and placed slow kisses all along the sharp line. He picked up Steve's cock again and made love to his punk until they both felt the cresting peak of their orgasms.

**Author's Note:**

> [My YouTube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnTcO921RLNZVxTYOWVq5Lg)  
>  Lookie what I did!


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